I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
