I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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