Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
