Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
