did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
