All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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