So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I am midnight drunk by noon
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
