Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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