im six kinds of drunk right now
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
