I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Enjoy the penises
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
