Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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