You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
