ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
