do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
