I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
