I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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