I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
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And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
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I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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