Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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