That's when you crack a 10am beer
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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