I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
