fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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