i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
