At least make sure they are 18
Why
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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