fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
