He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
