He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
