he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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