I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
