I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
