best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
