I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Farmville is her only friend.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
