i wish my penis had a tongue
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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