i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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