I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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