she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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