Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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