Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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