I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
