problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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