Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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