went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
