You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
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There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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