my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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