why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish i was in the wii world.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
