I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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