i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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