did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
