Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
