I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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