Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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