ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
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Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
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If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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