Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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