4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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