it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
