i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me