So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
