Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
