Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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