She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
