I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
