I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You are a genius and a whore.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
