after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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