he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
