Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
