if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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