I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
