Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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