Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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