I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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