You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
