i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
