i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
