I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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