Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
