I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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