Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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