where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
