i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
if only i could text you this smell
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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