I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
