You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
