I puked a lego.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
