Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
