I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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