And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
