I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
