Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
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He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
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btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize